I’ll confess upfront I just skimmed this. But you’re digging into a thing that frustrates me-- there’s money to made telling women to put their sexuality upfront, and money to be made shaming them for it. And I’ve seen people argue that putting their sexuality upfront is empowering, and I’ve seen people argue that it just reinforces patriarchy.
In short, the patriarchy seems to make it possible to take virtually any position about women’s sexuality and profit by claiming your position is the only correct one.
As a man, I’m doing an inadequate but sincere job of trying to recognize the bind that puts women in, while also trying to be relaxed about whichever position a woman may choose. I don’t say the situation for a man is even remotely as bad-- obviously it could never be-- but I do say that it’s confusing for any man who’s trying to negotiate the landscape of mixed messages. Thanks for writing these pieces-- it helps.
i am subscribed to so many newsletters and none of them resonate with me quite like yours madison :) you have a way with perfectly wording feelings i've had in my head for years eloquently and sophisticatedly. biiiig fan, never stop!!
I was also wondering if you wrote something about another one of Hydra's head called internalized misogyny?
One of your best essays, Madison.
I’ll confess upfront I just skimmed this. But you’re digging into a thing that frustrates me-- there’s money to made telling women to put their sexuality upfront, and money to be made shaming them for it. And I’ve seen people argue that putting their sexuality upfront is empowering, and I’ve seen people argue that it just reinforces patriarchy.
In short, the patriarchy seems to make it possible to take virtually any position about women’s sexuality and profit by claiming your position is the only correct one.
As a man, I’m doing an inadequate but sincere job of trying to recognize the bind that puts women in, while also trying to be relaxed about whichever position a woman may choose. I don’t say the situation for a man is even remotely as bad-- obviously it could never be-- but I do say that it’s confusing for any man who’s trying to negotiate the landscape of mixed messages. Thanks for writing these pieces-- it helps.
"it's a race without a finish line" -- yes!
i am subscribed to so many newsletters and none of them resonate with me quite like yours madison :) you have a way with perfectly wording feelings i've had in my head for years eloquently and sophisticatedly. biiiig fan, never stop!!
I will die on this hill
So good