Enjoyed this piece as I have many others. At 82 (soon to be 83 ) this month I feel blessed
to have high tech hearing aids. Solitude is easy to achieve by simply removing the hearing aids. It instantly gets very very quiet, wherever I am. Trying to sleep, on an airplane, at a rock concert, around screaming kids, or wherever. Thanks for your insight.
Really beautiful piece. I think you’re right that being alone can be a defensive response to not having connection with others. On the flip side, needing to be surrounded by others seems to be a refusal to be comfortably alone with oneself. The recipe for a good life probably requires a balance of those two things; meaningful community, and time in solitude. But it’s such a difficult balance to strike.
Thank you Michael - it really is such a dance. And what I need changes from day to day and week to week, it’s not just a matter of seeing X amount of people in a set period of time and being satisfied socially. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone :)
“There are few situations more ideal than a night in by myself, cooking a painstakingly complicated and time-consuming meal, making a glorious mess in the kitchen, and then retiring to rot on the couch in front of the television, the bun in my hair sliding down to my ear.” so true!
This is a stuning piece that resonates with me in ways I can't put into words. Thomas Merton says that “those who cannot be alone cannot find their true being and they are always something less than themselves.” But over time with overuse the kind of withdrawal that makes it possible can become its own kind of lessening.
Thank you so much Duane :) That's a beautiful quote and I couldn't agree more - learning to love being alone is one of the best things one can do, and like all good things, too much of it can be a detriment. Appreciate you reading.
Madison! This was a surprise read because I went like "Well, hello sister, welcome to my world". I'm afraid I struggle balancing the introvert-extrovert selves within me. The conscious unconscious as Jung would have you. So I meet friends, not very often, but I do. And that take cares of being inside a social circle. I have been friends with my solitude since I was a child. And I think it's a great source of inspiration for me in my adult life.
Great piece! This makes me think of the difficulty that comes with determining the right living situation for ourselves, especially in college years and the rest of our 20s. It is interesting to examine which of us choose a quaint and cozy studio with maybe a cat, versus a never empty and always noisy shared house, or something in between. It makes me reflect on my choice to have only one roommate through college after also growing up in a busy household of 6. I enjoyed the validating & relatable discussion you’ve sparked in these comments too!
Thanks Cass :) That’s such an interesting point of inquiry! I think college/young adulthood is a point when so many of us are reckoning with our own identity too, along with having to figure out new problems like living arrangements which allow us to learn new things about ourselves.
Such a relatable piece. I also have 2 siblings, I think there must be a connection with coming from a ‘bigger’ family and loving solitude because I hardly got any in my childhood? My other friends who are part of a family of 5 or more are exactly the same. The silence is golden because for 18 years it was full of screaming and door slamming just like you said!
Yes, Martha, my experience was so similar! I think there is definitely a connection there. I love my family but it feels good to finally be able to find my own peace and quiet after years of never having it.
Hi Madison. This really resonated for me. I am a little too comfortable in solitude myself and I try to keep a balance. I am moving from a city to a smaller community in search of quiet, yet I recognize that human interaction is integral to quality of life. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.
Great piece Madison! I can relate a lot. I’ve always loved solitude, and that’s partly due to social anxiety, and lately I fear I am getting too good at it. Which is ironic, considering I’ve been going out more this past year, but a lot of that time was spent alone, so 🤷♀️ it’s cliche but it really is all about finding a balance and making sure the time we spend alone and the time we spend with others come from a healthy place.
Thanks Mary :) I feel you on this! I’ve been going out increasingly more in the last year as well and still feel a deep connection to solitude. Since I moved to a new city last year in which I knew very few people, I learned to feel super comfortable going to concerts/shows/lunches alone - at times, a bit too comfortable. You’re right, finding harmony is key.
I think it’s also possible to be addicted to socializing, and I think a lot of people are willing to pretend to be a different person so they can feed this addiction.
Socializing is only healthy if you don’t let it turn you against yourself.
Thanks Karl :) Yes, I think there’s definitely a flip side to this situation which is relying solely on socialization to fill your cup instead of learning to appreciate time alone as well. Balance is key! I learn more about myself both when I’m alone and when I’m with others.
Enjoyed this piece as I have many others. At 82 (soon to be 83 ) this month I feel blessed
to have high tech hearing aids. Solitude is easy to achieve by simply removing the hearing aids. It instantly gets very very quiet, wherever I am. Trying to sleep, on an airplane, at a rock concert, around screaming kids, or wherever. Thanks for your insight.
Thank you for reading :) grateful to hear I’m not alone in enjoying solitude. Hearing aids seem to make things a lot easier!
Really beautiful piece. I think you’re right that being alone can be a defensive response to not having connection with others. On the flip side, needing to be surrounded by others seems to be a refusal to be comfortably alone with oneself. The recipe for a good life probably requires a balance of those two things; meaningful community, and time in solitude. But it’s such a difficult balance to strike.
Thank you Michael - it really is such a dance. And what I need changes from day to day and week to week, it’s not just a matter of seeing X amount of people in a set period of time and being satisfied socially. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone :)
“There are few situations more ideal than a night in by myself, cooking a painstakingly complicated and time-consuming meal, making a glorious mess in the kitchen, and then retiring to rot on the couch in front of the television, the bun in my hair sliding down to my ear.” so true!
You get it!!!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I too have been the strength, the haven for many and it has taken many years to admit I need the silence. 💞
Thank you for your comment <3 so glad it resonated with you
This is a stuning piece that resonates with me in ways I can't put into words. Thomas Merton says that “those who cannot be alone cannot find their true being and they are always something less than themselves.” But over time with overuse the kind of withdrawal that makes it possible can become its own kind of lessening.
Thank you so much Duane :) That's a beautiful quote and I couldn't agree more - learning to love being alone is one of the best things one can do, and like all good things, too much of it can be a detriment. Appreciate you reading.
Madison! This was a surprise read because I went like "Well, hello sister, welcome to my world". I'm afraid I struggle balancing the introvert-extrovert selves within me. The conscious unconscious as Jung would have you. So I meet friends, not very often, but I do. And that take cares of being inside a social circle. I have been friends with my solitude since I was a child. And I think it's a great source of inspiration for me in my adult life.
I'm glad to hear I'm not alone! It's definitely a tricky balancing act, but learning to make friends with your solitude is incredibly beneficial
Great piece! This makes me think of the difficulty that comes with determining the right living situation for ourselves, especially in college years and the rest of our 20s. It is interesting to examine which of us choose a quaint and cozy studio with maybe a cat, versus a never empty and always noisy shared house, or something in between. It makes me reflect on my choice to have only one roommate through college after also growing up in a busy household of 6. I enjoyed the validating & relatable discussion you’ve sparked in these comments too!
Thanks Cass :) That’s such an interesting point of inquiry! I think college/young adulthood is a point when so many of us are reckoning with our own identity too, along with having to figure out new problems like living arrangements which allow us to learn new things about ourselves.
Such a relatable piece. I also have 2 siblings, I think there must be a connection with coming from a ‘bigger’ family and loving solitude because I hardly got any in my childhood? My other friends who are part of a family of 5 or more are exactly the same. The silence is golden because for 18 years it was full of screaming and door slamming just like you said!
Yes, Martha, my experience was so similar! I think there is definitely a connection there. I love my family but it feels good to finally be able to find my own peace and quiet after years of never having it.
Hi Madison. This really resonated for me. I am a little too comfortable in solitude myself and I try to keep a balance. I am moving from a city to a smaller community in search of quiet, yet I recognize that human interaction is integral to quality of life. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Nadine, glad to hear this resonated with you :) seeking balance is all we can do! Hope you have a nice transition to your new community <3
Great piece Madison! I can relate a lot. I’ve always loved solitude, and that’s partly due to social anxiety, and lately I fear I am getting too good at it. Which is ironic, considering I’ve been going out more this past year, but a lot of that time was spent alone, so 🤷♀️ it’s cliche but it really is all about finding a balance and making sure the time we spend alone and the time we spend with others come from a healthy place.
Thanks Mary :) I feel you on this! I’ve been going out increasingly more in the last year as well and still feel a deep connection to solitude. Since I moved to a new city last year in which I knew very few people, I learned to feel super comfortable going to concerts/shows/lunches alone - at times, a bit too comfortable. You’re right, finding harmony is key.
Good piece on a complicated subject.
I think it’s also possible to be addicted to socializing, and I think a lot of people are willing to pretend to be a different person so they can feed this addiction.
Socializing is only healthy if you don’t let it turn you against yourself.
Thanks Karl :) Yes, I think there’s definitely a flip side to this situation which is relying solely on socialization to fill your cup instead of learning to appreciate time alone as well. Balance is key! I learn more about myself both when I’m alone and when I’m with others.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 reveling in canceled plans ❤️❤️❤️
Yess you get it!