THIS WAS SOOOOOO GOOD oh my god. the difference between warranted critique and just being annoyed by something is so simple……. yet no one seems to grasp it….. you’re allowed to be annoyed by something but that doesn’t always mean it should be an objective critique- that’s what group chats are for
"That's what group chats are for" is so brilliant - wish I would have included that in this piece LOL.
I feel like we often feel the need to back up our opinions with cold hard logic to feel like they're valid. Like disliking "boots and a slicked back bun" because it's "anti-feminist" or something. In reality, it's okay to not like something simply because you don't like it, we don't always need to intellectualize it so much!
A lot of people really just don't know how to critique women and girls or "hold women accountable" without defaulting to misogyny. A lot of people also don't seem to know that women and girls are individuals with unique interests; we don't all like or want the same things.
Yes…it really feels like people are forgetting that videos on social media are not real life. It’s like suddenly everyone started confusing actors for the parts they play in movies.
I really enjoyed this!! One part in particular made me think about a parallel in my own life: “No girl or woman lives in a complete vacuum - no person does. Simple as it seems, when analyzing how girls and women exist online, we should probably also ask: is this behavior harming girls or do I just not like girls? Is wearing a combination of cream and chocolate garments and dubbing it “cold brew girl” really setting women back decades or do I just find it annoying personally? Or better yet, if I find the performance annoying, why is that the case?”
First of all, my god, it’s so true: our culture’s hatred for girls and girlyness in general! When I wear girly things and post pictures online, I’m not performing for anyone but myself (as Casey McQuiston would say), but my sisters literally have told me that my behavior is “insulting to women” - by behavior they mean butterfly bracelets, pink scrunchies, butterfly necklaces, etc… your post makes me realize where maybe their buzzard idea about “insulting to women” comes from: they hate the girly because they as “grown women” don’t want to be associated with something. So “juvenile” - they think I’m “performing” the role of a woman or something by posting girly things and they say this is “insulting.” But… I AM girly! 😂 anyway: I could go on: this was a great read that sent me down so many thoughts paths 💖
There are just people who lack critical thinking and organise an entire inward reflection on something so vacuous that they believe they came with something valuable. Like the 'I'm just a girl' trend. I never liked it for personal reasons, but I was aware that most of the time it was a satire. Some people, on the other hand, were fully convinced that the girls saying it were degrading themselves and the gender. Or the 'man or bear' in the men's case. They are simply unable to realise that it isn't about them individually but about a major issue, so they get so offended that they ignore what the real problem is, and by being savages of comments, they just prove the existence of it.
All the “girl” trends are such a great example - and something I was also keen to try to make meaning out of on this newsletter. Like I wrote about here, I think it reflects a trend in fantasy to some extent, but not necessarily reality.
‘There is a difference between being a critic that’s a champion for women and a critic that’s slamming on women because they’re one of the lower-hanging fruits.’ YES YES, yes to this entire article! Almost all of these critiques of young women are not made being made from a place of care and it’s so obvious.
Great article :) We all need to stop intellectualizing and unpacking every piece of discourse we see. If it doesn’t apply let it fly (and send a long voice note to the group chat), but if does find other people who also care about that issue! I think too many people forget that the internet is huge and compromised of SOOOO many subcultures and the at it’s core the internet is a place for entertainment. Some things you see online are real and others … not so much. However too many folks have knee jerk reactions to things we see, especially if women or girls are at the helm. There’s nothing wrong than critically engaging with media BUT maybe we can employ better discernment regarding silly trends vs harmful content.
Thank you for this! I especially liked the bit where you said "The internet necessarily shifts how we perform our identities to the public, bending and rewriting long-held social scripts" I actually finished writing an essay yesterday about performing an idealised femininity for the male gaze in 19th-century Japanese prints, so it's interesting to see this continuity from then to now. Back then, these women were also styling themselves into a curated identity to be distributed via a media, as semi-aspirational for women whilst also appealing to the male gaze. I think it would be interesting to look into who this performance is for on social media, but on a wider cultural scale, rather than as evidence of individual fault. Also, interestingly enough, I actually had a whole crisis about the song recommendation I would leave at the end of that post: would a piece of classical music be too cliche along with the canonical classic book I'm currently reading? Would people think I'm trying to present myself as an intellectual? In the end I went with a kpop song for the duality, I guess.
“Is this behavior harming girls or do I just not like girls?” is a question I should have been asking myself years ago. Before “not like other girls” became an openly criticised statement on the internet, I prided myself on rejecting anything that “other girls” loved in an effort to be seen as superior and accepted by arty intellectual boys. A classic example of this is never listening to Lana Del Rey because I thought she was whiny and desperate for male attention (lol) and only last year (after 13 years) did I listen to her whole discography and realised I had pointlessly starved myself of the art I actually could have really utilised as a tool for learning in girlhood. Only when I got older did I realise about 50% of my personality was created by internalised misogyny. Now I see all the missed opportunities for understanding myself when I rejecting the “girly” thing. Another example of this is cycle tracking instead of thinking periods are merely inconveniences.
Anyway, great article as always! Love your work ❤️🍄✨
What a great take! Loved every sentence here. I stopped watching TikToks altogether with the entire trad wife debate that happened, it was so incredibly one-sided and didn't serve anyone. This was a great perspective, one that is much needed in my opinion.
Reading this immediately made me think of BookTok, do I think some critiques are valid yes? But like reading trashy books has always existed & some of the scrutiny towards BookTok just feels exactly like what you described in this, great read!!
THIS WAS SOOOOOO GOOD oh my god. the difference between warranted critique and just being annoyed by something is so simple……. yet no one seems to grasp it….. you’re allowed to be annoyed by something but that doesn’t always mean it should be an objective critique- that’s what group chats are for
"That's what group chats are for" is so brilliant - wish I would have included that in this piece LOL.
I feel like we often feel the need to back up our opinions with cold hard logic to feel like they're valid. Like disliking "boots and a slicked back bun" because it's "anti-feminist" or something. In reality, it's okay to not like something simply because you don't like it, we don't always need to intellectualize it so much!
WE DO NOTTTTT NEED TO INTELLECTUALIZE SO MUCH
A lot of people really just don't know how to critique women and girls or "hold women accountable" without defaulting to misogyny. A lot of people also don't seem to know that women and girls are individuals with unique interests; we don't all like or want the same things.
Yes…it really feels like people are forgetting that videos on social media are not real life. It’s like suddenly everyone started confusing actors for the parts they play in movies.
This ALSO reminds me of Culture Study’s unified theory of glen powell’s list of men who actually like women and men who clearly hate women 😂
This was a great read, your writing is so pristine and easy to get into. It feels like an IRL conversation
Thank you so much!! I really strive to make the reading process fun and not so stuffy. Some of my favorite writing feels very conversational.
I really enjoyed this!! One part in particular made me think about a parallel in my own life: “No girl or woman lives in a complete vacuum - no person does. Simple as it seems, when analyzing how girls and women exist online, we should probably also ask: is this behavior harming girls or do I just not like girls? Is wearing a combination of cream and chocolate garments and dubbing it “cold brew girl” really setting women back decades or do I just find it annoying personally? Or better yet, if I find the performance annoying, why is that the case?”
First of all, my god, it’s so true: our culture’s hatred for girls and girlyness in general! When I wear girly things and post pictures online, I’m not performing for anyone but myself (as Casey McQuiston would say), but my sisters literally have told me that my behavior is “insulting to women” - by behavior they mean butterfly bracelets, pink scrunchies, butterfly necklaces, etc… your post makes me realize where maybe their buzzard idea about “insulting to women” comes from: they hate the girly because they as “grown women” don’t want to be associated with something. So “juvenile” - they think I’m “performing” the role of a woman or something by posting girly things and they say this is “insulting.” But… I AM girly! 😂 anyway: I could go on: this was a great read that sent me down so many thoughts paths 💖
There are just people who lack critical thinking and organise an entire inward reflection on something so vacuous that they believe they came with something valuable. Like the 'I'm just a girl' trend. I never liked it for personal reasons, but I was aware that most of the time it was a satire. Some people, on the other hand, were fully convinced that the girls saying it were degrading themselves and the gender. Or the 'man or bear' in the men's case. They are simply unable to realise that it isn't about them individually but about a major issue, so they get so offended that they ignore what the real problem is, and by being savages of comments, they just prove the existence of it.
All the “girl” trends are such a great example - and something I was also keen to try to make meaning out of on this newsletter. Like I wrote about here, I think it reflects a trend in fantasy to some extent, but not necessarily reality.
i got ma'am'd the other day by a kid that had to have been only a year or two older than me and i'm barely 18
‘There is a difference between being a critic that’s a champion for women and a critic that’s slamming on women because they’re one of the lower-hanging fruits.’ YES YES, yes to this entire article! Almost all of these critiques of young women are not made being made from a place of care and it’s so obvious.
Great article :) We all need to stop intellectualizing and unpacking every piece of discourse we see. If it doesn’t apply let it fly (and send a long voice note to the group chat), but if does find other people who also care about that issue! I think too many people forget that the internet is huge and compromised of SOOOO many subcultures and the at it’s core the internet is a place for entertainment. Some things you see online are real and others … not so much. However too many folks have knee jerk reactions to things we see, especially if women or girls are at the helm. There’s nothing wrong than critically engaging with media BUT maybe we can employ better discernment regarding silly trends vs harmful content.
Thank you for this! I especially liked the bit where you said "The internet necessarily shifts how we perform our identities to the public, bending and rewriting long-held social scripts" I actually finished writing an essay yesterday about performing an idealised femininity for the male gaze in 19th-century Japanese prints, so it's interesting to see this continuity from then to now. Back then, these women were also styling themselves into a curated identity to be distributed via a media, as semi-aspirational for women whilst also appealing to the male gaze. I think it would be interesting to look into who this performance is for on social media, but on a wider cultural scale, rather than as evidence of individual fault. Also, interestingly enough, I actually had a whole crisis about the song recommendation I would leave at the end of that post: would a piece of classical music be too cliche along with the canonical classic book I'm currently reading? Would people think I'm trying to present myself as an intellectual? In the end I went with a kpop song for the duality, I guess.
“Is this behavior harming girls or do I just not like girls?” is a question I should have been asking myself years ago. Before “not like other girls” became an openly criticised statement on the internet, I prided myself on rejecting anything that “other girls” loved in an effort to be seen as superior and accepted by arty intellectual boys. A classic example of this is never listening to Lana Del Rey because I thought she was whiny and desperate for male attention (lol) and only last year (after 13 years) did I listen to her whole discography and realised I had pointlessly starved myself of the art I actually could have really utilised as a tool for learning in girlhood. Only when I got older did I realise about 50% of my personality was created by internalised misogyny. Now I see all the missed opportunities for understanding myself when I rejecting the “girly” thing. Another example of this is cycle tracking instead of thinking periods are merely inconveniences.
Anyway, great article as always! Love your work ❤️🍄✨
What a great take! Loved every sentence here. I stopped watching TikToks altogether with the entire trad wife debate that happened, it was so incredibly one-sided and didn't serve anyone. This was a great perspective, one that is much needed in my opinion.
amazing write up, made what is a complex topic I knew next to nothing about a very easy read 👏
i love love love this
I loved this piece so much
Thank you Caitlyn <3
Reading this immediately made me think of BookTok, do I think some critiques are valid yes? But like reading trashy books has always existed & some of the scrutiny towards BookTok just feels exactly like what you described in this, great read!!