There is a way to be sober and be between the extremes. There is a thriving community of recovering alcoholics who aren’t juice guzzling gym bunnies. They navigate social situations and just don’t drink.
Having seen up, close, and personal the darker shades of the 'alcohol problem' in my past relationships where the liquids were default extension of phenotype, I can say that the problem resides in other countries too. Not as entrenched as you portray here but alcohol as another distraction to combat the modern ennui is something I see too. I have a connoisseur bent when it comes to drinking-socially responsibly drink in good company. Enjoying the art of mixology. Can we appreciate drinking as an art rather than a social engagement?
Good on companies like Zero Proofed to try to provide non-alcoholic ways to "create environments where people are encouraged to be their most authentic selves," but I have to wonder what is supposed to drive people to be those "most authentic selves" if not for alcohol? There are the obvious intoxicating effects of booze that make us open up more than usual, but there's also the sense that we're doing something just slightly illicit, which creates trust and a sense of adventure with whoever we're doing it with. If drinking was legal or acceptable to do anywhere 24/7, it would lose a lot of its charm.
It reminds me of that time when George from Seinfeld tried to argue that he ought to be able to bring Pepsi to a dinner party instead of wine, saying that people prefer the taste of Pepsi. The taste argument is probably true (if people were being honest), but he misses the point of why we bring wine to parties and why we drink socially.
Oooh I like this point you raise Chris. I think the “illicit” feeling of drinking certainly leads people to feel more open in conversation when casually drinking with friends. Drinking with coworkers feels especially illicit considering you’re used to acting buttoned up with them every other hour of the day.
Similarly though, like you mention, alcohol becoming more embedded in our personal/professional lives makes it lose some charm - having a hard seltzer available in the office 24/7 makes drinking feel a lot less illicit than sneaking out of the office at four with coworkers for a happy hour. I also think binge drinking as a hobby naturally causes social drinking to lose some of its charm as well - if it’s something you’re doing all the time and to exhaustion, it can lose its special nature with friends. All that being said, I also find that when a sober conversation with a stranger unfolds in a way that emboldens me to feel more authentic/“myself” without alcohol, it feels especially rewarding :)
I was a bit of a late bloomer to drinking like you, and while I enjoy it & drinking-related events I get exhausted easily by all of it so I LOVE the sober curious movement that’s been happening 💆🏻♀️ I’ve found some really great 0.0% breweries or mocktail brands in the last few months that have made it so much more fun to be sober as well!
I’ve been sober for 12 years now. It’s wild how much alcohol culture is normalized and how much socialization revolves around drinking but something I’ve noticed as I approach 40 is that many of my friends WITHOUT drinking problems are still choosing sobriety as they get older and noticing how much better their body feels. As someone who had to go to rehab and AA to get sober it’s really interesting to me to see so many people choosing it without necessarily *needing* to. When people are weird about socializing without alcohol, I’ve learned that it says a lot more about them than it does about me.
Oooh thank you for sharing Irene! As I've gotten older, I've definitely found food to be one of my favorite ways to connect with people - especially when it comes to cooking for others :)
I find myself floating between the polarities of “drinker” and “sober” and the more i think about it, the more crazy it seems that the basis of what is considered“normal” includes an affinity for binge drinking?! Probably in a world where drinking wasn’t normalized I would feel comfortable in the “sober” community, but i feel like it’s become a statement of “counter culture” rather than just an equally normal sector of society? Does that make sense? I guess in that way i feel ostracized from both groups- not wanting to drink frequently and in high quantities but also not wanting to feel like i have to abide by a sort of “morality” that naturally comes with the idea of “total” abstinence?
Yes I totally see what you’re saying! I feel like so much of our collective discussion about topics like this centers on extreme polarities - either engaging in extreme drinking or withdrawing entirely. It can feel challenging to make any kind of choice to abstain from alcohol without seeming outwardly “counter cultural.”
Such an important piece! I wish this was talked about more often. I relate to this beyond just drinking. Recently I have felt the importance of taking note of anything I do in excess. I think a lot of Gen Z (including myself) can find ourselves being more drawn to other forms of intoxication. I have started to recognize even scrolling excessively as a form of addiction. I think everyone can benefit from more presence in their life, it’s okay to have “dull” moments. In a world that is full of chaos, I crave that peace more and more.
In terms of Gen Z, I think price plays a huge role as well, but when doesn't it lol! I recently had a conversation with a friend about doing activities that were free/low cost, and she specifically said "I'm tired of paying $20 for a cocktail every week just to hang out." It really adds up! I like to drink, but I've reduced my drinking to big-deal social events (the club/bar/birthday dinner/etc.) and that's helped me moderate my health and my budget.
Omg it is so expensive! The article I cited from BBC touched on cost quite a bit as well, and how Gen Z in particular are interested in placing budget in places that relate more to personal development. Spending all your money on drinks can really drain your bank account and energy lol.
I gave up drinking for lent and my friends were quite amenable to it. In fact, I found it quite easy to not drink at parties, or on dates. You tell someone you aren't drinking and they ask about your thoughts on NA drinks, etc. The biggest issue I had, culturally speaking, was trying to meet up with friends or networking after 5 during the week. There is almost nowhere to go that's 1) indoors 2) low commitment 3) a nice, well lit environment. Of course you could go to a non-alcohol bar, which are growing in New York. But who wants to spend $15 on glorified juice/soda? A real hole in our local economy.
I’m glad this connected with you Marissa, and glad to hear I’m not alone in recognizing these trends! They can be quite jarring to witness! I think searching for your own sense of balance can allow you to tap into your own feelings in a very mindful way, which feels good to experience. I am also learning to be comfortable with the potential discomfort of being at an event and choosing not to drink while everyone around me does, which isn’t usually as stressful as I think it will be.
There is a way to be sober and be between the extremes. There is a thriving community of recovering alcoholics who aren’t juice guzzling gym bunnies. They navigate social situations and just don’t drink.
Having seen up, close, and personal the darker shades of the 'alcohol problem' in my past relationships where the liquids were default extension of phenotype, I can say that the problem resides in other countries too. Not as entrenched as you portray here but alcohol as another distraction to combat the modern ennui is something I see too. I have a connoisseur bent when it comes to drinking-socially responsibly drink in good company. Enjoying the art of mixology. Can we appreciate drinking as an art rather than a social engagement?
Good on companies like Zero Proofed to try to provide non-alcoholic ways to "create environments where people are encouraged to be their most authentic selves," but I have to wonder what is supposed to drive people to be those "most authentic selves" if not for alcohol? There are the obvious intoxicating effects of booze that make us open up more than usual, but there's also the sense that we're doing something just slightly illicit, which creates trust and a sense of adventure with whoever we're doing it with. If drinking was legal or acceptable to do anywhere 24/7, it would lose a lot of its charm.
It reminds me of that time when George from Seinfeld tried to argue that he ought to be able to bring Pepsi to a dinner party instead of wine, saying that people prefer the taste of Pepsi. The taste argument is probably true (if people were being honest), but he misses the point of why we bring wine to parties and why we drink socially.
Oooh I like this point you raise Chris. I think the “illicit” feeling of drinking certainly leads people to feel more open in conversation when casually drinking with friends. Drinking with coworkers feels especially illicit considering you’re used to acting buttoned up with them every other hour of the day.
Similarly though, like you mention, alcohol becoming more embedded in our personal/professional lives makes it lose some charm - having a hard seltzer available in the office 24/7 makes drinking feel a lot less illicit than sneaking out of the office at four with coworkers for a happy hour. I also think binge drinking as a hobby naturally causes social drinking to lose some of its charm as well - if it’s something you’re doing all the time and to exhaustion, it can lose its special nature with friends. All that being said, I also find that when a sober conversation with a stranger unfolds in a way that emboldens me to feel more authentic/“myself” without alcohol, it feels especially rewarding :)
I was a bit of a late bloomer to drinking like you, and while I enjoy it & drinking-related events I get exhausted easily by all of it so I LOVE the sober curious movement that’s been happening 💆🏻♀️ I’ve found some really great 0.0% breweries or mocktail brands in the last few months that have made it so much more fun to be sober as well!
I’ve been sober for 12 years now. It’s wild how much alcohol culture is normalized and how much socialization revolves around drinking but something I’ve noticed as I approach 40 is that many of my friends WITHOUT drinking problems are still choosing sobriety as they get older and noticing how much better their body feels. As someone who had to go to rehab and AA to get sober it’s really interesting to me to see so many people choosing it without necessarily *needing* to. When people are weird about socializing without alcohol, I’ve learned that it says a lot more about them than it does about me.
Congratulations on 12 years! It is interesting how so many people are choosing sobriety without “needing” too - I definitely find it inspiring!
I just wrote about this today too! I hope our generation can embrace ways of getting to know each other without poisoning our bodies (having a nicer dinner like I wrote: https://open.substack.com/pub/ireneposada/p/food-to-share?r=g7e8s&utm_medium=ios)
Oooh thank you for sharing Irene! As I've gotten older, I've definitely found food to be one of my favorite ways to connect with people - especially when it comes to cooking for others :)
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 Oosh!!! And that last line: harmony to be found “between the extremes” ♥️ Amen 🙏🏻
I find myself floating between the polarities of “drinker” and “sober” and the more i think about it, the more crazy it seems that the basis of what is considered“normal” includes an affinity for binge drinking?! Probably in a world where drinking wasn’t normalized I would feel comfortable in the “sober” community, but i feel like it’s become a statement of “counter culture” rather than just an equally normal sector of society? Does that make sense? I guess in that way i feel ostracized from both groups- not wanting to drink frequently and in high quantities but also not wanting to feel like i have to abide by a sort of “morality” that naturally comes with the idea of “total” abstinence?
Yes I totally see what you’re saying! I feel like so much of our collective discussion about topics like this centers on extreme polarities - either engaging in extreme drinking or withdrawing entirely. It can feel challenging to make any kind of choice to abstain from alcohol without seeming outwardly “counter cultural.”
Such an important piece! I wish this was talked about more often. I relate to this beyond just drinking. Recently I have felt the importance of taking note of anything I do in excess. I think a lot of Gen Z (including myself) can find ourselves being more drawn to other forms of intoxication. I have started to recognize even scrolling excessively as a form of addiction. I think everyone can benefit from more presence in their life, it’s okay to have “dull” moments. In a world that is full of chaos, I crave that peace more and more.
In terms of Gen Z, I think price plays a huge role as well, but when doesn't it lol! I recently had a conversation with a friend about doing activities that were free/low cost, and she specifically said "I'm tired of paying $20 for a cocktail every week just to hang out." It really adds up! I like to drink, but I've reduced my drinking to big-deal social events (the club/bar/birthday dinner/etc.) and that's helped me moderate my health and my budget.
Omg it is so expensive! The article I cited from BBC touched on cost quite a bit as well, and how Gen Z in particular are interested in placing budget in places that relate more to personal development. Spending all your money on drinks can really drain your bank account and energy lol.
I gave up drinking for lent and my friends were quite amenable to it. In fact, I found it quite easy to not drink at parties, or on dates. You tell someone you aren't drinking and they ask about your thoughts on NA drinks, etc. The biggest issue I had, culturally speaking, was trying to meet up with friends or networking after 5 during the week. There is almost nowhere to go that's 1) indoors 2) low commitment 3) a nice, well lit environment. Of course you could go to a non-alcohol bar, which are growing in New York. But who wants to spend $15 on glorified juice/soda? A real hole in our local economy.
I’m glad this connected with you Marissa, and glad to hear I’m not alone in recognizing these trends! They can be quite jarring to witness! I think searching for your own sense of balance can allow you to tap into your own feelings in a very mindful way, which feels good to experience. I am also learning to be comfortable with the potential discomfort of being at an event and choosing not to drink while everyone around me does, which isn’t usually as stressful as I think it will be.