We also need the context of how young these women were when the COVID pandemic started… A feeling of lost youth, watching your teens or early 20s get gobbled up in extreme isolation, online graduations, remote working, a decline in social skills and outlets. Personally, I had just turned 23. I was only barely beginning to get my feet beneath me when I got trapped inside for the following four years. Now I’m in my late 20s and feel as if someone pressed fast forward on my life. I can see how this would lend itself to debilitating nostalgia for one’s own youth; frozen in time where Guts by Olivia Rodrigo isn’t just a reminder of simpler times, but a lifeline.
I know I’m not a girl but this coupled with hitting almost 0 developmental milestones before 20 combined with significant weight gain really just made it feel like I had ten extra years of early teenagedom, even though I was in college
I absolutely love this analysis! So spot on and well-researched. I also love how you speak to both sides, explaining how it’s so easy, especially with everything going on in the world, to want to self-infantilize.
Also, the history was so interesting! I hadn’t thought about it happening at other times in history as well, but it makes sense. Love all the research put into this!
Thank you so much!! Having historical context for contemporary trends is often something I try to include in my writing. We can learn so much from looking to the past sometimes.
Good point on addressing willful self-infantilization. Generally, people respond to incentives. If people are choosing to revert back to teenagedom or even childhood, it's because they want to. If more of our lives are lived on the internet, and the internet is place where everything ages in dog years and is terrible at keeping records, then the competition to stay young and relevant is fierce. With many Millennials either unable or unwilling to move to the next stage of life, I expect to see lots of conflict where there will be too many people trying to occupy the same spaces on the internet. A few months ago, there was a screenwriter on Twitter, in her 30s, who said something like how Gen Z had no stories to tell because they just stayed home all the time and were boring. The backlash was strong.
I think taking responsibility for the role we play in our self-infantilization is important, I’m glad you agree! Nowadays there are a lot of things that are out of young people’s control but throwing in the towel and choosing to ruminate in that space too long can be overly indulgent. There’s a fine line to walk. As a Gen Zer myself, that screenwriter you mentioned has some points...
Have you heard of the non profit program called Let Grow. It talks about the origins of childhood delays and parents being more present in children's lives and having less autonomy. It brings up the things you written on your post.
There are also some very practical reasons why adulthood is delayed. The main reason is the lack of jobs available without a university degree, and increasingly graduate degree. It’s pretty difficult to feel like an adult when the only way for economic independence and stability is years away after completing various degrees—and even this isn’t certain anymore. But otherwise I think you’re on point about the cultural waters around this.
There's a shortage of trades and health care workers of various education levels. In some cases with 2 years of education you can be making a good income, sometimes better than people with advanced degrees. Might be worth doing some research on this.
I am aware. However there also has been a cultural trend of drilling into young peoples heads (especially millennials) that university degrees are necessary and one cannot succeed without one. As well, it’s not like everyone can or will go into the trades. I’m not discounting that more should be guided into doing so. But that’s my main point. Most of my generation were totally misguided by an older generation who did get jobs very easily with a university degree. Telling me to do some research on the trades is reductive and missing the point.
You can spin your wheels complaining a past generation influenced you to want a degree but that doesn't get you anywhere. You sound smart enough to figure out what's working now and do that.
Once upon a time only a few generations ago the majority of people (men and women) worked farms. Hard work and I'm sure women carried a lot of that weight. Fast forward to a world with factories and men off to war. Women were perfectly capable of stepping up and working in those factories. I'm quite confident that almost anyone can work in most fields.
Your dream job might not have existed a few generations ago and may not exist much longer.
Um— the personal attacks are totally unnecessary. You know nothing about my life.
Similarly you can spin your wheels however you please criticizing young people for their choices or place in life. It will get you nowhere. Young people haven’t created the culture or society that they were brought into. There is a balance to be struck between acknowledging the reality and emboldening them take control of their own lives.
Totally agree. Even the words “jobs available” shows lack of agency and, ultimately, responsibility. No one owes you anything, you’re on your own, have the courage to go out and dare. You’ll reap what you sow, and above all, what you deserve. (This in a non-DEI world though, where what you get is based on color, race, sexual orientation, incompetence, and obedience).
This is really inspiring. I never connected agency, or lack thereof, to infantilization. I've definitely struggled with the concept of agency through my own journey to mature.
For example, you can blame your parents and society for the way you are, and then be contents in knowing how immature you are is not your fault, stripping yourself of your agency in this process. Or you can be grateful for those caregivers best efforts, and out of that gratitude, decide that you will do your best to be the most mature version of yourself, which makes you again an agentic being.
My Dad is a huge part of my story, he is not a perfect man but he has overcome the disadvantages presented by his upbringing. I think once you realise something like this, you have to let go of excuses and grow up.
This is a fascinating post! I’ve always thought maturity was mostly shaped by things like mental development, illness, trauma, or disorders. But it totally makes sense that economic instability—and the pandemic, to some extent—have been huge factors in making our generation feel stuck, especially with so many of us still living with our parents. It’s interesting how this pattern of infantilisation has repeated throughout history.
Honestly, I think solo travel is an amazing way for our generation to grow—if you can afford it. The further out of your comfort zone you go, the better! It really pushes you to take charge of yourself and navigate unfamiliar situations. And on top of that, you gain so much culture, perspective, and experience along the way. All great ingredients for personal growth.
Yessss re: solo traveling! Similarly, I feel like moving to a new city away from family also greatly helped me mature/learn how to rely on myself more - it was a really empowering experience
I bought one of those adulting books, and forgot about it. As one does. When it showed up at my door I legit thought it was a sign from my time traveller self. A present from Barbs from the future, if you will. Then I checked my PayPal and the dream broke.
I'm in complete agreement with you. It feels like we're afraid to say the word women. Like it sits uncomfortably on our tongue. I think we need to learn how to be free as young adults. Free to be silly and sarcastic and everything else without the pre-requisite of identifying as a teenager.
Brilliant. My 18 year old nephew, who is mature for his age, has been living with us the past 3 years. What you describe is spot on, a phenomenon I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I scratch my head at why his peers don’t feel the need to commit to much, not get a drivers license, and do the things I did (I’m 40) at his age. I’m not naive and just throw my hands up and shake my head at a generation, I do actually get it, somewhat. This generation has so much more knowledge of what’s out there and I would probably refrain to do the stuff I got stuck with in my life too. Each generation, it’s the same though, like how each generation bitches about the current music being trash :) it’s always the same thoughts, different generation.
Yes yes, it’s very complex - I think it’s best to approach things with empathy and with a willingness to see all sides, matters are rarely black and white. It’s interesting how thoughts about past generations are often reused, doing this research really made me realize that we’re not as different from one another as we think.
An interesting manifestation of this was that young people seemed to be the most risk averse and prone to neurotic safetyism during Covid despite clear evidence that they were at the least risk of serious illness or death. I think they just liked being able to nest.
We also need the context of how young these women were when the COVID pandemic started… A feeling of lost youth, watching your teens or early 20s get gobbled up in extreme isolation, online graduations, remote working, a decline in social skills and outlets. Personally, I had just turned 23. I was only barely beginning to get my feet beneath me when I got trapped inside for the following four years. Now I’m in my late 20s and feel as if someone pressed fast forward on my life. I can see how this would lend itself to debilitating nostalgia for one’s own youth; frozen in time where Guts by Olivia Rodrigo isn’t just a reminder of simpler times, but a lifeline.
I know I’m not a girl but this coupled with hitting almost 0 developmental milestones before 20 combined with significant weight gain really just made it feel like I had ten extra years of early teenagedom, even though I was in college
I absolutely love this analysis! So spot on and well-researched. I also love how you speak to both sides, explaining how it’s so easy, especially with everything going on in the world, to want to self-infantilize.
Also, the history was so interesting! I hadn’t thought about it happening at other times in history as well, but it makes sense. Love all the research put into this!
Thank you so much!! Having historical context for contemporary trends is often something I try to include in my writing. We can learn so much from looking to the past sometimes.
Good point on addressing willful self-infantilization. Generally, people respond to incentives. If people are choosing to revert back to teenagedom or even childhood, it's because they want to. If more of our lives are lived on the internet, and the internet is place where everything ages in dog years and is terrible at keeping records, then the competition to stay young and relevant is fierce. With many Millennials either unable or unwilling to move to the next stage of life, I expect to see lots of conflict where there will be too many people trying to occupy the same spaces on the internet. A few months ago, there was a screenwriter on Twitter, in her 30s, who said something like how Gen Z had no stories to tell because they just stayed home all the time and were boring. The backlash was strong.
I think taking responsibility for the role we play in our self-infantilization is important, I’m glad you agree! Nowadays there are a lot of things that are out of young people’s control but throwing in the towel and choosing to ruminate in that space too long can be overly indulgent. There’s a fine line to walk. As a Gen Zer myself, that screenwriter you mentioned has some points...
Have you heard of the non profit program called Let Grow. It talks about the origins of childhood delays and parents being more present in children's lives and having less autonomy. It brings up the things you written on your post.
I haven't! Looks very applicable though :)
I've got to become a boss baby
Don’t we all!
There are also some very practical reasons why adulthood is delayed. The main reason is the lack of jobs available without a university degree, and increasingly graduate degree. It’s pretty difficult to feel like an adult when the only way for economic independence and stability is years away after completing various degrees—and even this isn’t certain anymore. But otherwise I think you’re on point about the cultural waters around this.
There's a shortage of trades and health care workers of various education levels. In some cases with 2 years of education you can be making a good income, sometimes better than people with advanced degrees. Might be worth doing some research on this.
I am aware. However there also has been a cultural trend of drilling into young peoples heads (especially millennials) that university degrees are necessary and one cannot succeed without one. As well, it’s not like everyone can or will go into the trades. I’m not discounting that more should be guided into doing so. But that’s my main point. Most of my generation were totally misguided by an older generation who did get jobs very easily with a university degree. Telling me to do some research on the trades is reductive and missing the point.
You can spin your wheels complaining a past generation influenced you to want a degree but that doesn't get you anywhere. You sound smart enough to figure out what's working now and do that.
Once upon a time only a few generations ago the majority of people (men and women) worked farms. Hard work and I'm sure women carried a lot of that weight. Fast forward to a world with factories and men off to war. Women were perfectly capable of stepping up and working in those factories. I'm quite confident that almost anyone can work in most fields.
Your dream job might not have existed a few generations ago and may not exist much longer.
Um— the personal attacks are totally unnecessary. You know nothing about my life.
Similarly you can spin your wheels however you please criticizing young people for their choices or place in life. It will get you nowhere. Young people haven’t created the culture or society that they were brought into. There is a balance to be struck between acknowledging the reality and emboldening them take control of their own lives.
Totally agree. Even the words “jobs available” shows lack of agency and, ultimately, responsibility. No one owes you anything, you’re on your own, have the courage to go out and dare. You’ll reap what you sow, and above all, what you deserve. (This in a non-DEI world though, where what you get is based on color, race, sexual orientation, incompetence, and obedience).
This is really inspiring. I never connected agency, or lack thereof, to infantilization. I've definitely struggled with the concept of agency through my own journey to mature.
For example, you can blame your parents and society for the way you are, and then be contents in knowing how immature you are is not your fault, stripping yourself of your agency in this process. Or you can be grateful for those caregivers best efforts, and out of that gratitude, decide that you will do your best to be the most mature version of yourself, which makes you again an agentic being.
My Dad is a huge part of my story, he is not a perfect man but he has overcome the disadvantages presented by his upbringing. I think once you realise something like this, you have to let go of excuses and grow up.
This is a fascinating post! I’ve always thought maturity was mostly shaped by things like mental development, illness, trauma, or disorders. But it totally makes sense that economic instability—and the pandemic, to some extent—have been huge factors in making our generation feel stuck, especially with so many of us still living with our parents. It’s interesting how this pattern of infantilisation has repeated throughout history.
Honestly, I think solo travel is an amazing way for our generation to grow—if you can afford it. The further out of your comfort zone you go, the better! It really pushes you to take charge of yourself and navigate unfamiliar situations. And on top of that, you gain so much culture, perspective, and experience along the way. All great ingredients for personal growth.
Yessss re: solo traveling! Similarly, I feel like moving to a new city away from family also greatly helped me mature/learn how to rely on myself more - it was a really empowering experience
I bought one of those adulting books, and forgot about it. As one does. When it showed up at my door I legit thought it was a sign from my time traveller self. A present from Barbs from the future, if you will. Then I checked my PayPal and the dream broke.
I'm in complete agreement with you. It feels like we're afraid to say the word women. Like it sits uncomfortably on our tongue. I think we need to learn how to be free as young adults. Free to be silly and sarcastic and everything else without the pre-requisite of identifying as a teenager.
Brilliant. My 18 year old nephew, who is mature for his age, has been living with us the past 3 years. What you describe is spot on, a phenomenon I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I scratch my head at why his peers don’t feel the need to commit to much, not get a drivers license, and do the things I did (I’m 40) at his age. I’m not naive and just throw my hands up and shake my head at a generation, I do actually get it, somewhat. This generation has so much more knowledge of what’s out there and I would probably refrain to do the stuff I got stuck with in my life too. Each generation, it’s the same though, like how each generation bitches about the current music being trash :) it’s always the same thoughts, different generation.
Yes yes, it’s very complex - I think it’s best to approach things with empathy and with a willingness to see all sides, matters are rarely black and white. It’s interesting how thoughts about past generations are often reused, doing this research really made me realize that we’re not as different from one another as we think.
Well written piece. Thank you.
In my experience this seems more prevalent in the US. In Europe and Brazil, where I've spent a lot of time, I often run into the opposite phenomena.
has aged (lol) tremendously well
rly good
An interesting manifestation of this was that young people seemed to be the most risk averse and prone to neurotic safetyism during Covid despite clear evidence that they were at the least risk of serious illness or death. I think they just liked being able to nest.