13 Comments
Aug 5Edited

"I'm a million contradictions, Sometimes I make no sense, Sometimes I'm perfect, Sometimes I'm a mess, Sometimes I'm not sure who I am," play and sing this Hilary Duff 2004's bop titled I AM !

Expand full comment

I grew up BUMPING this song, it must have subliminally been the inspo behind this essay hahahaha

Expand full comment

Madison, it is such an honor to get restacked on Cafe Hysteria notes! *insert my startled yet pleased face*

Expand full comment

This just summed up a feeling that has been gnawing at me for so long. I love everything about this so so much, thank you for writing it

Expand full comment

Aw I’m so glad Jenna :) thank you for reading!!

Expand full comment

I really love how you talk about the contradictions women have internally. I think as women we’re trained to be more receptive (as you called yourself) so that we are open to all the standards and trends that change around us. It makes for great consumers.

Expand full comment

Thank you for writing this. I like how it encompassed the chattiness of our internal narrative on defining who we feel like we have to be.

I think about how to ‘stay together’ with all the thoughts. How clarifying my policy, boundaries, relationships, what I let into my life and a clear vision on what I want helps to minimize the noise.

I think for women specifically, the multiple hats we wear and roles that change in motherhood etc. that the thoughts and the chatter makes it even more challenging.

We change in our relationships and I believe our relationships hold us together in that change if we find ourself lucky enough to be surrounded in good relationships.

Expand full comment

this is LITERALLY me right down to the sudden self-contradictions in conversation. loved this post!

Expand full comment

Thank you so much :)!!!

Expand full comment

This perfectly describes the chaos that is your 20s. Loved everything about this.

Expand full comment

What does it even mean to be a person? Lately it feels futile to try to figure ourselves out.

Expand full comment

Spot on ! We make decisions based off our experiences which change daily ! And also informs our opinions ! People need to be cool with that ! One of your best pieces !

Expand full comment

I want to respectfully disagree with one point. The way to get to know what you think deep down does not come from others (media/ other opinions, social media, trends). In order to get to know yourself and what and who you want to be you need to detach… if possible… for a few weeks. This constant flood of opinions and information cloud our ability to know what “I” think and bad decisions (influenced by other opinions) compound our confusion. Life happens for you not to you and build a belief …once you start feeling that your decisions are your own… that all decisions are based on what “I “ believe and are best for the person I am right now and those I love. Work towards believing that my opinion of my decisions is the only opinion that matters.

Expand full comment