🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 fabulous as always! Why is it selfish to salve your personal wounds? Won’t your healing (and mine and everyone else’s) benefit the collective? What have we been brainwashed to feel about the concept of selfishness? Why does our own pleasure, profit or growth signify something negative towards others. It could…but doesn’t it seem to be our knee-jerk response that it will?
This was truly transcendent. I am so glad you wrote this. I feel like alot of what you write about really resonated with me. When choosing what to share and how to share it, I feel like that is where the storytelling lies! We are choosing to share our stories, thoughts, POV in a way that is inherently us, rather than a transcription of our day to day. I have slowly started to feel like when I share things online or write something that is published on the internet for all of eternity, in some way it's me claiming my own narrative and telling the universe that "this is me, and in this moment I am brave."
Excellent article! I think this is one of the biggest struggles I have as an aspiring writer. How much of myself do I want to share? I often find myself narrativizing random moments in my life and the thought of writing and publishing it feels strange. I feel grateful when others share their own vulnerabilities because it makes me feel so seen, but I hesitate to put myself out there in the same way. It's definitely a tricky balance.
Thank you! It is so tricky to balance I agree. I’ve found that the moments from my life that I’ve written down have always naturally been a bit embellished/overly narrativized by default. Even just seeing my them on paper makes me feel a level of distance from them. At the end of the day, our experiences differ from the written account of those experiences, they can never be transcribed perfectly.
“I too worry that people will slip on my blood, or otherwise gaze too closely into my gashes. I want people to look at me, but not too closely. Just the right amount and in precisely the manner that I want them to. Nonetheless, offering yourself to the internet means risking lost context. It means risking ill-perception. And it means risking readers doing unwanted extratextual research.”
This is such an interesting subject — what’s too personal to share?
There was (is?) this crazy Substack where the writer would describe, with an infinite number of em-dashes, these horrifying instances of abuse they’d experienced. I’m talking extreme, like sacrificial stabbings. As an occasional and unintentional reader (I’d click on a link and then think “what am I reading?”), the content felt like too much. Too raw. Too in-real-time processing and perhaps even invented.
But I distinguish that from sharing emotional experiences through which you learned or appreciated or understood something. I’ve gotten a lot out of reading women talking about the emotions they navigate with divorce. And trying to navigate my own emotions through writing has been rewarding.
I think “too personal” is when you have only emotions, and no takeaway, because you’re still experiencing something in real time. But once you’re able to stand back and assess an experience from a distance, I’m not sure that it can be too personal (if it focuses on your experience and isn’t telling other people’s stories).
I agree that there needs to be a level of reflection involved for it to not feel like a purely confessional vehicle. Having a balance between description and reflection is something I often suggest in personal writing I edit.
as someone who writes fiction (and is too scared to write diary-esque entries and post them on the internet), i also find myself bleeding into my writing, even through the guise of an invented character. even though it's not explicitly 'myself' who's thinking and feeling and speaking in the story, it still is--and it's terrifying to think of putting it out in the world where others can see it. your piece perfectly captures this. thank you for sharing it with us.
I so enjoyed this read - I’ve been really contemplative about how much I want to share of myself in my writing. Today I shared a preview of a published article I wrote about my weight loss journey, and I’m like am I insane?! Ha. I’m happy with it and other personal essays I’ve done but man it does feel like such a fine line to walk along!
an excellent read! i related to many parts of it and really appreciated how you articulated the want for a community while needing to be perceived in the way i want to be perceived.
For these same reasons, this is why Love Is Blind and GOAT Manor are guilty pleasures for my wife & I. There are the typical reality ass clowns, but also some real love and heartbreak going on in these shows.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 fabulous as always! Why is it selfish to salve your personal wounds? Won’t your healing (and mine and everyone else’s) benefit the collective? What have we been brainwashed to feel about the concept of selfishness? Why does our own pleasure, profit or growth signify something negative towards others. It could…but doesn’t it seem to be our knee-jerk response that it will?
This was truly transcendent. I am so glad you wrote this. I feel like alot of what you write about really resonated with me. When choosing what to share and how to share it, I feel like that is where the storytelling lies! We are choosing to share our stories, thoughts, POV in a way that is inherently us, rather than a transcription of our day to day. I have slowly started to feel like when I share things online or write something that is published on the internet for all of eternity, in some way it's me claiming my own narrative and telling the universe that "this is me, and in this moment I am brave."
Thank you so much Marco, what a kind comment :) Love the idea of sharing as claiming too! Really love way to think about it
Excellent article! I think this is one of the biggest struggles I have as an aspiring writer. How much of myself do I want to share? I often find myself narrativizing random moments in my life and the thought of writing and publishing it feels strange. I feel grateful when others share their own vulnerabilities because it makes me feel so seen, but I hesitate to put myself out there in the same way. It's definitely a tricky balance.
Thank you! It is so tricky to balance I agree. I’ve found that the moments from my life that I’ve written down have always naturally been a bit embellished/overly narrativized by default. Even just seeing my them on paper makes me feel a level of distance from them. At the end of the day, our experiences differ from the written account of those experiences, they can never be transcribed perfectly.
Fabulous ! Grateful for all that you share ! But not in a love island way , lol
“I too worry that people will slip on my blood, or otherwise gaze too closely into my gashes. I want people to look at me, but not too closely. Just the right amount and in precisely the manner that I want them to. Nonetheless, offering yourself to the internet means risking lost context. It means risking ill-perception. And it means risking readers doing unwanted extratextual research.”
🤯
Thank you for this, Madison! Really lovely and encapsulated a lot of my thoughts around the what/why/who/atwhatcost of (over)sharing. x
Thank you so much Clara :)) so glad this resonated with you !
Absolutely love this!
Thank you!! <3
Ah, the panopticon. And, unlike Bentham's original, one that people choose to be in the sights of.
This is such an interesting subject — what’s too personal to share?
There was (is?) this crazy Substack where the writer would describe, with an infinite number of em-dashes, these horrifying instances of abuse they’d experienced. I’m talking extreme, like sacrificial stabbings. As an occasional and unintentional reader (I’d click on a link and then think “what am I reading?”), the content felt like too much. Too raw. Too in-real-time processing and perhaps even invented.
But I distinguish that from sharing emotional experiences through which you learned or appreciated or understood something. I’ve gotten a lot out of reading women talking about the emotions they navigate with divorce. And trying to navigate my own emotions through writing has been rewarding.
I think “too personal” is when you have only emotions, and no takeaway, because you’re still experiencing something in real time. But once you’re able to stand back and assess an experience from a distance, I’m not sure that it can be too personal (if it focuses on your experience and isn’t telling other people’s stories).
I agree that there needs to be a level of reflection involved for it to not feel like a purely confessional vehicle. Having a balance between description and reflection is something I often suggest in personal writing I edit.
as someone who writes fiction (and is too scared to write diary-esque entries and post them on the internet), i also find myself bleeding into my writing, even through the guise of an invented character. even though it's not explicitly 'myself' who's thinking and feeling and speaking in the story, it still is--and it's terrifying to think of putting it out in the world where others can see it. your piece perfectly captures this. thank you for sharing it with us.
I so enjoyed this read - I’ve been really contemplative about how much I want to share of myself in my writing. Today I shared a preview of a published article I wrote about my weight loss journey, and I’m like am I insane?! Ha. I’m happy with it and other personal essays I’ve done but man it does feel like such a fine line to walk along!
I didn’t know how much I needed to read this. Glad I did.
Thanks, Madison.
Thank you so much Allison :) so glad you enjoyed it!
an excellent read! i related to many parts of it and really appreciated how you articulated the want for a community while needing to be perceived in the way i want to be perceived.
Thank you so much!! And yes, the longing for community (online) and the fear of being perceived is an unfavorable combination, but all too real.
For these same reasons, this is why Love Is Blind and GOAT Manor are guilty pleasures for my wife & I. There are the typical reality ass clowns, but also some real love and heartbreak going on in these shows.
Thank you so much Aaliyah <3 This comment truly made my day