16 Comments
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Crystal Perkins's avatar

As the big sister of many, this was very relatable. The realizing of some of life's illusions is tough, but as you mention there are still many good things ahead. Your meme summed it up well :)

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

Thank you Crystal :) glad you enjoyed the read!

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Grace's avatar

Sometimes i am so overwhelmed by my wanting and it can be really hard!! Especially when it comes to creative dreams!! But thank you for writing this and the beauty of wanting too!x

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

You’re not alone <3!! Thank you for reading Grace :)

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chloe's avatar

I am so jealous of the way you can formulate my exact feelings and thoughts into words. Currently sharing this with everyone i know haha

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

Aww thank you so much Chloe :)

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Martha's avatar

I loved this Madison! Growing up comes with so much grief, when you realise that shit happens all the time and you actually can’t control it happening to you. Grief of dreams is hard - it’s why whenever I look at a picture of myself as a girl I frequently burst into tears because she’s brimming with all these dreams and ambitions and it’s so precious I wish I could tell her that everything she expects life to be like it’s true 🥹 I also have a sister 5 years younger and it is like staring into a Time Machine of the past. She hates how there’s nothing she can do that I haven’t done myself and have something to say about it haha.

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

I'm so glad you connected with this Martha :)!! I feel the same way whenever I look at pictures of my younger self too. And sounds like our sister relationships are very similar hahaha.

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Eno's avatar

THIS "It isn’t possible to grieve a life you never lived, but you can surely grieve the expectations." <3 <3 cause a lot of events in our life have moments of grieving—major or small, and it is sort of complicated to acknowledge it.

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

Yes! <3 It's complicated to acknowledge the grieving that comes with let-down expectations in any domain - in career, in relationships, etc. Realizing that your life might not look how you always expected is painful at times.

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Karen Laura's avatar

You’ve beautifully articulated so many complex emotions 🤍 I loved this part especially: “Selfishly, it’s reassuring to see my younger sisters get stuck in the unhealthy thought patterns I did at their age, knowing with greater clarity that I wasn’t crazy, just young.”

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

Thank you so much! <3 I enjoy writing about my relationship with my sisters - there's so much to feel watching them grow up!

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Diego Fernandez's avatar

Just graduated undergrad and am moving to NYC in a week. Been experiencing lot’s of little deaths as I begin to peak behind the curtain of adulthood. Despite this, I’m excited to face more complex challenges and have a fullness of power of my life. Thank you for articulating so well some of the ways I’ve been feeling!

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

Thank you for reading :) I'm glad this resonated with you!

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Barbs Honeycutt's avatar

Thanks for sharing these thoughts! I am glad your relationship with your sister is changing for the better and that you can talk about deep feelings with friends.

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Madison Huizinga's avatar

Thank you for reading :)!

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