The Pitfalls of Being "That Girl"
The Pitfalls of Being "That Girl"
On Hyper-Productivity & Self-Optimization Online
Rows of highlighters scattered neatly alongside a Muji spiral notebook. A yoga mat spritely unfurled. Pastel bubble letters strewn across a self-made bullet journal. A Notion screenshot. A bright green smoothie and forest green activewear set. And, of course, an abundance of bird’s eye snapshots of frothy oat milk lattes alongside neat ballpoint pen-written notes and a Macbook Air.
If you’ve come across this assortment of images in a succession of one another on TikTok, YouTube, or Pinterest, chances are you’re familiar with “That Girl.”
I brought up “That Girl” in my article on online aesthetics, and she is essentially that: a digital persona intended to make self-care and professional work activities look and feel dreamy for their beholders. Some TikTok users will post “That Girl morning routines,” which often consist of waking up at 6 AM for a workout, followed by a shower, a breakfast of either a protein smoothie, oatmeal, or eggs, a meditation session, and ten minutes of journaling and planning before jumping into work tasks. Other That Girl videos consist of bullet journal tutorials, taking several hours to color-code and hand draw calendars and checkboxes with the finest tipped pen. Other videos include study montages, often displaying the user jotting down notes and typing away at their laptop in quick cuts that sync up with a song.
Aside from the That Girl trend I’ve noticed emerging in the last year on TikTok and YouTube, there are plenty of other online spaces where tips and inspiration for productivity optimization are disseminated. Perhaps obviously, LinkedIn is a site full of such content, as well as Twitter, in which threads of tips for boosting productivity and creative output from popular business influencers receive “likes” into the hundred thousands. In nearly every corner of the Internet, people are telling you how to create more and do so more efficiently.
From the outside looking in, it’s hard to pinpoint anything wrong with this trend. Because truthfully, there is a lot right with it. People everywhere are looking for ways to better improve their work ethic and concentration, seeking it out in hardcover self-help books and TED Talks. Being able to focus well and perform effectively is one of the key ways we’re taught to advance in American work culture. It’s understandable why folks would want to seek this information out.
And one of the many benefits of the Internet is the improved access to information on how to develop healthy lifestyle routines. People can learn how to prepare nutritious meals, watch workout video tutorials, and receive free organizational tips by simply unlocking their phones and opening up a browser. I, for one, have discovered lifestyle and work tips that have greatly benefited my day-to-day life, as I’m sure thousands of others have too.
Nonetheless, aspects of this trend remain rather unsettling. There is something noticeably inhuman about the videos upon videos of users engaging in the same workout routines, in the same active sets, sipping the same green juices across their whole feeds. It’s less about any lack of originality and more so about the Patrick-Bateman-from-American-Psycho-(2000)’s-morning-routine nature of it all.
A sort of robotic, emotionless tone runs throughout much of That Girl content. In my article on generalized online aesthetics and self-romanticization, I discussed that social media often directly and inadvertently encourages women to romanticize their life on- and offline, leading to trouble differentiating whether one is engaging in an activity because it feels good or because it looks good. I can certainly see this being the case with That Girl content - encouraging women to perform or “do wellness” for its appearance rather than savor its benefits. From first-hand experience, it’s quite easy to go through the motions of sun salutations, juicing greens, and meditating without actually fully committing. Simply floating through the activities while your mind exists elsewhere, only to feel the satisfaction when you check that item off your to-do list.
In addition to the pitfalls of excessive self-romanticization, there is such a thing as too much self-optimization.
In the words of Jia Tolentino, “the ideal woman, in other words, is always optimizing. She takes advantage of technology, both in the way she broadcasts her image and in the meticulous improvement of that image.” There is a reason why the label for this online trend is “That Girl”: she is the ideal modern woman - tirelessly working to improve her physique, mental health, and work habits. Constantly improving, forever a work in progress, competing against herself like a self-regulating capitalist machine. We should all want to be that kind of girl.
It’s unsurprising that “That Girl” emerged amid the pandemic. In a world full of chaos, uncertainty, and grief, it’s understandable why people would want to consume content that gives them a sense of control over their bodies, minds, and work. And for girls and women, living within a patriarchal culture means living in a society where they are denied control over many things as a result of sexism embedded in political, economic, and cultural systems. Thus, finding a sense of control - even if it’s just control over your morning routine - is reasonably desired.
However, in the real world - obscured from view due to the sparkly facade of social media - life is not so easily controlled. We can try to wake up before the sun rises, engage in our home workouts, cook our nutritious meals, and schedule our days in a color-coded fashion every day, but sometimes life has different plans for us.
Some nights we may be riddled with bouts of insomnia and spend the evenings tossing and turning, waking up cranky and slow. Other mornings we may wake up with a more anxious mind than usual, finding it hard to focus on small tasks and feeling the urge to burst into tears. Other days there may be minor or major life emergencies that get in the way of fulfilling our daily routine. What about these days? Can we still be That Girl?
Feeling in control of one’s life is something all people deserve to experience. And there is also a time and place where we must surrender control.
I’m a firm believer in nutrition, exercise, meditation, and self-reflection being some of the cornerstones of a balanced and stress-reduced life. As someone with a brain that tends towards anxious thoughts, making sure I’m integrating these activities into my life is essential to feeling somewhat at equilibrium.
And there are also days where I’ve had to bail out in the middle of a workout due to anxiety taking over. Some days there’s so much on my plate that I forget to set aside time for breathwork. And other days, when the raincloud of stress won’t cease and I’m catching tears from falling on my laptop and notebook, I’m just glad to eat a meal, regardless of how nutritious it is.
Finding healthy inspiration and tips online for lifestyle and work habits has its benefits. Nonetheless, it’s important not to get caught up in the never-ending hampster wheel that is self-optimization content. Regardless of what these chic, minimalist photos and videos might communicate, your worth is not defined by the amount you consume or produce. The number of journal pages you complete, gel pens you run through, or bags of spinach you empty communicate nothing other than you need to go to the grocery store soon. Those items can be a part of a balanced life, but they aren’t a direct quantifier of your happiness. For a life to be balanced, it has to contain things on the other end of the spectrum: rest, fun, spontaneity, and even some times to sit with the unpleasant emotions and watch them pass.
Because when the cameras aren’t rolling, I can guarantee That Girl’s life isn’t always all That.
So profound !
It's a new cover on the same book!