Upon hearing the word “fantasy” - specifically in the context of media - a number of images may come to mind. Knights slaying fire-breathing dragons guarding princesses locked away in cobblestone towers encased in ivy. Toga-clad gods sipping wine and being hand-fed grapes amid cloud castles in the sky. Maybe even intergalactic space warfare or otherwordly heroes fighting earthly villains. Nonetheless, when you hear the word “fantasy,” particularly in the context of film and television, it’s highly unlikely that a modern-day “meet cute” pops into your head. But to many, that scenario might be just as fantastical as fighting a fire-breathing dragon.
Within the romantic comedy film genre are some of the lowest-rated films of all time, as well as some of the most culturally relevant and beloved ones. The source of this contradiction is likely the fact that media dubbed critically “serious” commonly involves some kind of dense, and most often masculine-coded, struggle. War movies. Mob movies. Movies centering on violence, drugs, and some kind of financial risk. These are movies about real things. Gritty topics worthy of Academy Awards.
On the other hand, romantic comedies are characterized as overly fluffy and dubbed “unrealistic” and “idyllic,” and thus less serious and worthy of praise. How interesting is it that the cinematic interpretations of “life” we accept as realistic are only the ones that involve suffering? Why is something light-hearted considered less “real”?
Nonetheless, I believe the appeal of the romantic comedy genre persists for a particular set of reasons. On one hand, action, fantasy, and science-fiction movies have succeeded in identifying seemingly average, white cisgender heterosexual men as the “chosen ones,” selected by some force to embark on a Hero’s Journey, complete with a Call to Adventure, a Refusal of the Call, a Supernatural Aid, a Crossing of the Threshold, the Ultimate Boon or completion of the goal, and then undergo a metamorphosis in the Belly of the Whale before returning home a changed man (Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, etc.).
In essence, the structure of romantic comedies isn’t entirely dissimilar. A seemingly normal girl is the Hero and her Call to Adventure is most commonly a man - whether it’s a guy whose taken a persistent interest in her (The Notebook (2004)), a guy she’s aiming to win over (Aquamarine (2006) and Mean Girls (2004)), or some other arrangement of “fake dating” or bet-creation between her and said guy that is bound to result in an adventure (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003), She’s All That (1999), To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), 10 Things I Hate About You (1999), When Harry Met Sally (1989), The Proposal (2009), etc.). She may Refuse the Call, deeming herself either too good or not good enough for the adventure (the man), before a Supernatural Aid (her BFF, her sister, etc.) convinces her that the journey is worth pursuing. After Crossing the Threshold and enduring some kind of conflict with the man, her goal - which whether it started that way or not, is ultimately to fall in love - is achieved and she becomes a changed girl. Either more conventionally attractive (She’s All That (1999)), more easy-going (10 Things I Hate About You (1999)), or just happier (literally all of them).
One of the most pervasive media effects studied in communication scholarship is “agenda-setting,” which refers to the media informing people about what they should care about. One of the most common examples of agenda-setting is broadcast news - topics that are mentioned on the news are dubbed “newsworthy” due to the anchors and hosts carving out time in their agenda to discuss them. And while media is just one force that tells people what to care about in their lives, it can be effective, particularly because its impact can be invisible, yet potent. Like a noxious gas.
Mainstream media geared toward men most often encourages self-actualization through ruggedly achieving some kind of individual or global goal. Mainstream media geared toward women most often encourages self-actualization through relationships, typically romantic, all-encompassing ones. While these lines appear more stringent when analyzing films from the 1980s-2000s, the trend still persists today amid the Avengers, James Bond, Top Gun, and Mission Impossible franchises, and popular teen romance series like To All the Boys I Loved Before (2018-2021), The Kissing Booth (2018-2021) and The Summer I Turned Pretty (2022).
Personally, I’m a fan of media of all genres, enjoying the adrenaline rush of action content and (especially loving) the emotional complexity ridden in dramas and romance media. And I get that mainstream media mega-corporations need to make media that people will consume, and operating within the gender binary is one of the more effective ways of doing so without evoking a mental and cultural upheaval.
Yet, operating within this binary is simultaneously bolstering it, making it increasingly impenetrable. And as a teenager and young adult, observing and experiencing routine American high school dating customs and real-life adult relationships, I can see the ways this media binary is impacting individuals and their relationships, even today.
I can’t count the number of times that I’ve witnessed - both first-hand and through mediated platforms like TikTok - straight women talking about the lack of care and intention their partners put into relationships. Not making the effort to make them feel desired, not sharing the load of life responsibilities in and outside of the home, and not going the extra mile to perform a thoughtful gesture that makes them feel like the main character. Like the girl in the rom-com gliding down a staircase before prom.
That being said, life unfortunately isn’t as full of running-through-the-airport-before-you-catch-your-plane scenes as the movies are. There is certainly an element of romantic comedies that are fantasy. Individuals have conflicting desires and can’t read each other’s minds. The “if he wanted to, he would” sentiment is effective in calling out the affection, responsibility, and respect partners should show each other, and there’s also an element of vocalizing one’s needs that must transpire for relational partners to feel more fulfilled. This skewed view of relationships is yet another byproduct of media operating within a binary in which independence and self-actualization or romance must prevail, but rarely both.
reflects my thoughts well in :It would likely look a lot different than what I’m witnessing today. Because what I have seen is straight women on- and offline going those extra miles - even beyond standard unpaid care work - to make their relationships work, even if it means abandoning their own goals and fulfillment to support those of their partner’s (e.g. the stay-at-home girlfriends of TikTok). Taking the backseat so their partner can drive towards that individual or global goal that will help them self-actualize. Disproportionate domestic care and sacrifice, with romantic love being the final boss of transcendence.
None of this is to say that straight men are somehow incapable of showing affection and thoughtfulness, even more so than women. This is to say that, whether we’re entirely conscious of it or not, all kinds of media play a role in helping us figure out what is important to us. And human behavior is far too complex to be accurately summed up by a gender media divide in which men always choose swords and women always choose love because that’s just not the case.
In reality: careers, love, and self-actualization are life facets that often weave together into an intricate web, sometimes getting tangled up in complicated knots that are difficult to iron out. These elements are often harmoniously dependent on one another. Media - across television, film, music, and digital social networks - that more accurately capture this dynamic better reflect reality rather than fantasy.
Maybe cracking this rigid gender media binary isn’t entirely a matter of figuring out how to market romance to men and adventure to women, but creating art that better encapsulates life complexity.
I like very much what you’re saying here. I’m subscribing, looking forward to more of your thinking.
Loved this ! Some relationships can be like battling fire breathing dragons :-) lol